Okay. So where do we go from here? The whole thing seemed surreal. Dr. R, the perinatologist, calmly explained that she would do two things for me.
1) I will arrange a NICU tour. Take a look around. Get acquainted. You can see what a 2 lb, 28 week gestation baby looks like.
2) I will arrange a neonatologist consult. The doctor will come to your room and will be able to address any questions or concerns you may have.
Yes thank you. I have a billion concerns.
We toured the NICU, which we had visited before when we had friends with premature babies and more recently, when we took the Twins Class at the hospital.
But now it was different.
It was sort of like walking through a house that you are going to buy. But you don't really want to buy it. In fact, you want nothing to do with it. But you don't really have a choice in the matter. This will be your new home.
Whether you like it or not.
I was traveling by wheelchair, and the nurse wheeled me up to the window so I could get a good look. A tiny little baby with all kinds of tubes and wires was sleeping in an isolette on the other side of the glass.
This little guy weighs about 1000 grams, or a little over 2 lbs, she said.
Wow. Okay. It really wasn't as bad as I thought. I had pictured a baby much, much smaller. I had built it up so much in my head that this actual 2 lb baby looked big! And considering he was practically naked and hooked up to several machines, he did not appear to be suffering.
He actually looked comfy. Warm. Safe.
This little 2 lb guy warmed my heart, and somehow I felt a small wave of relief. I didn't even know him. Or his family. But he was providing me with a window into my future. And giving us some much needed hope.
My first lesson that these little babies are tiny but mighty.